Starting the day with your spouse was like any other day. You woke up together, had breakfast together, and enjoyed quality time together. Then, out of nowhere, your spouse becomes aggressive with you, starts an argument, and walks out of the house.
Or maybe they simply ignore you when you are around, are quick to leave when you start a conversation, and are dismissive of your problems, wants, and needs. Sounds familiar?
Unfortunately, situations like this are one of many contributing factors that lead to divorce. The case is different for each couple, and what is normal for others might not be okay for you. If you're wondering if your reasons for divorce are valid enough, our top 10 will clear things out for you.
Why Do Couples Divorce?
According to research, the most common causes of divorce are:
- Lack of commitment
- Excessive arguing
- Getting married too young
- Any form of abuse
- Financial troubles
These are just some of the reasons why people get a divorce. If your case isn’t on the list, it doesn’t mean all is good or that your feelings are invalid. Divorce causes and effects can present themselves in various ways, and for some spouses, divorce or thoughts about it may even come out of the blue.
If you are considering ending a marriage, you do not need a “big” reason – you just need to be sure that this is not a rush decision. If you want to save a marriage, you need to understand what you and your spouse are willing to do and/or forgive.
10 Most Common Reasons for Getting a Divorce
It was once considered shameful to get a divorce, especially if you were a woman. Luckily, due to cultural shifts within the last 75 years, the stigma attached to divorce has changed. Now, people tend to prioritize their health, safety, and happiness, and end their marriage if it is no longer viable.
What leads to divorce? It is usually a combination of factors. Here are the top reasons for divorce and how you can recognize them in your marriage.
1. Lack of Shared Interests and Incompatible Relationships
Relationships often form based on having same interests, hobbies, education, and views on life. However, people change and grow. As years go by, your spouse can become someone completely different from the first time you met them, and so can you. Therefore, the interests you once shared may not be there anymore, and you may have nothing to talk about or do together.
Alternatively, you may have had little to no common interests in a relationship to start with. When people first fall in love, they may not care about their partner’s different likes and goals, or simply be oblivious to them. There is a lot of chemistry and desire, which are very easy to get lost in. Once they fade, spouses often realize they are in incompatible relationships and they couldn’t be more different.
If you want to salvage your marriage, it is important to find interests and goals to share. You may try taking on a new hobby together and having an honest talk about the way you see your future. In certain cases, you will have to make sacrifices to get along, and it is up to you to decide whether to do it.
2. Lack of Physical Intimacy
Sexless marriage and no intimacy are grounds for divorce for many couples. Newsweek reports that 15-20% of spouses have sex only ten times a year! While this might be fine if both you and your partner are satisfied, it isn’t if at least one of you is left wanting much more than that.
There might be various reasons why your marriage lacks physical intimacy:
- Mismatched libidos
- No desire to spice up sex
- Small children
- Hectic schedules
- Medical issues
When thinking about the cause, you need to remember the time when your sex life first took a dive. Maybe, your spouse’s appearance changed and they started feeling insecure, or you stopped spending quality time together, and the flame died out. This might help you understand what to do to give that flame some life.
Yes, marriage is not all about sex, but it is an excellent way for couples to release stress and confirm that they are loved and desired. People want to feel wanted, and when such feeling is lacking, they may become less confident, more apathetic, and rather critical of their spouse.
Another important thing is intimacy. Obviously, it is not all about sex, and there are different ways to show it. For example, you can tell your partner you love them more, ask how their day was, or rub their shoulders when they’re tired. Remember, little things matter!
3. Issues with Communication
Lack of communication in a marriage leads to divorce. When people are not honest with each other about their needs, wants, desires, and grievances, there is bound to be a lot of frustration and resentment. Eventually, things that were left unsaid will pile up and create a wall between the spouses.
The person you will spend the rest of your life with should be able to open up to you and discuss whatever is on their mind, as should you. Not saying what you want to say will not save you embarrassment or spare your spouse’s feelings. Instead, it will slowly but steadily break your marriage.
4. Financial Problems and Debt
Money and divorce go together like peanut butter and jelly. Finances is one of the primary reasons spouses argue and, eventually, divorce if you look at statistics.
The subject of money can be stressful in marriages in many ways:
- One partner may enjoy lavish spending while the other prefers to keep a tight budget.
- Spouses may have entered the marriage having different financial expectations and priorities.
- There are constant worries over money
- One spouse may control the money and keep it all to themselves.
- There are hidden accounts, debts, or expenses one of the partners didn’t know about.
It’s hard to accept, but financial problems cause divorce as they cause a lot of stress. A budgeting discussion with your spouse could help you two get on the same page with your finances.
5. Having an Addiction
Addiction and marriage do not mix at all. If one of the spouses is addicted to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, pornography, or gambling, and the other one is not, a marriage is extremely likely to end in a divorce.
The rollercoaster of dealing with a drug addict is not for the faint-hearted, no matter how much you love them. It is not unusual for a drug addict to do whatever it takes to receive their fix. The spouse will likely lie, cheat, and waste money, all of which could undermine the foundation of the marriage.
Addiction to drugs and alcohol ruin relationships and so do other forms of addiction, such as gambling and sex. If you're not ready to divorce your spouse, seek professional treatment. A drug counselor or a physiologist might be able to help you in the case.
6. Physical and Emotional Abuse and Domestic Violence
It is more than enough reason to leave a marriage if you are dealing with a verbally abusive spouse. Any form of abuse from a partner is unacceptable, no matter if it’s financial, emotional, verbal, or physical. Unfortunately, certain abusive behavior may be hard to recognize at first.
Below are some of the forms of abuse that are harder to recognize than others:
- Extreme jealousy
- Controlling behavior
- Isolation from family and friends
- Jekyll and Hyde type switches
- Always putting blame on others
No matter how much pain they may cause you, divorcing emotionally abusive spouses is a difficult decision. You should remember that staying in an abusive relationship is unhealthy, especially if your children are involved.
The best way to deal with an abusive relationship is to reach out to law enforcement, loved ones, and shelters. In addition, you can contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-SAFE(7223). You can also visit their website to learn more about how they can help you.
If one person steps outside the marriage to meet their physical or emotional needs, it is often a deal-breaker for the other spouse. According to American Psychological Association, infidelity causes divorce in 20-40% of marriages, and once a trust has been broken, it is difficult for a relationship to recover.
It is common for marriages to end after infidelity due to its toll on the relationship. When couples learn their partner has cheated on them, they are often angry and resentful. There are times when people can make their marriage work, but divorce after cheating is more common.
8. Marrying Too Young
Young marriage divorce rates are high, especially for those who tied the knot in their 20s. In that age, people mostly think of the happy moments of family life and ignore the hard work and dedication it takes to keep the foundation strong.
Financial issues, differences in goals and views, and immaturity might eventually cause such couples to divorce. While some will grow up and grow closer together, the majority will grow apart as their mature selves will be incompatible.
The number of unrealistic expectations in a marriage when people get together young is rather significant. Making your spouse and your marriage fit the image you always envisioned can stress your relationships. Your partner may resent you if you attempt to force them to be someone they are not or for not meeting their expectations. Eventually, it will likely lead to an unhappy marriage or a divorce.
9. Conflict, Arguing, Irretrievable Breakdown in the Relationship
Do you and your spouse constantly argue over little things? It can be a conflict over who will watch the kids, cook tonight, or pay the water bill this month.
Many marriages break down due to constant pricking. When this happens, both partners hold resentment and it ruins communication.
A high conflict divorce combined with a lack of communication can be deadly. Both partners will feel like the other one is not listening to them and continue fighting over the same issues leading to a nasty divorce.
It's essential to try to see things from your spouse's perspective, even if you do not want to. If this is the only issue you're having with your spouse and you don't want to proceed with a divorce, then have a heartfelt conversation so that they can see your perspective and you can learn more about theirs.
10. Lack of Support from Family
When your family doesn’t support you in a marriage, it will take a toll on your relationship. First and foremost, it’s necessary to understand why there is such a lack of support or an outright resentment.
Perhaps your family members were angry with your spouse, or they did something to hurt family’s feelings. Maybe, your family doesn’t approve of your choice to marry them for whatever reason. Or, after your got married, your family might have cut you off and refused to communicate with you. Even though you love your spouse, you might still blame them or they might feel guilty for what happened, which takes a toll on your relationship.
Alternatively, your family might create conflict between you and your spouse, making you argue more frequently than you should. Families can sometimes get in the way of a couple's relationship and try to split them up for good. Family support can make or break a marriage, and many marriages break down when other people get in the way.
What Is the Main Cause of Divorce?
According to Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, the top reasons for divorce are:
- 43% Incompatibility
- 28% Cheating
- 22% Financial problems
- 5.8% Abuse
Marriages that lack communication and intimacy are the following two leading causes of divorce.
How Many Marriages End in Divorce?
The average age of divorce among couples is around 30 for the first marriages, and the average time marriages last is 7.8 years. The percentage of marriages that end in divorce is 41% for the first, 60% for the second, and 73% for the third.
The choice not to marry is becoming popular, and many people in the millennial population opt for it. People are now choosing to live a single life or just live together without getting married.
Are You Ready to Start Your Divorce Online Today?
While many marriages face problems, there are resources to help them. Couples can try marriage counseling to resolve their issues and reconnect to enjoy a loving marriage.
Although it is possible that nothing can bring a couple back to how they used to be. In this case, a divorce is the only option left for both to have a happy life. If divorce is the answer to your marriage, contact us today to start your journey.