Deciding to divorce is hard, and you might need reassurance that you are making the right
There are thousands of divorce tests out there, but can they really take all the factors
into account? The answer is no. However, it doesn’t mean they don’t cover the most important
things – the ones that either make or break the marriage.
We have created a “how to know when to divorce” quiz based on the major determinants if a
marriage will last. Answer only 10 yes-or-no questions to find out if it’s time for you to
call it quits.
Should I Get a Divorce?
If you passed our “stay married or get divorced” quiz above, you already have an idea of what
made you question your marriage. Whether you have sat on this decision for a while or have
just reached it, you need to understand that your feelings about it are valid. Such a desire
doesn’t come out of nowhere, and you are not bad or wrong for having it.
Understanding that divorce is the next step and actually taking it might take some time,
especially if you’re not sure your own reasoning for it is enough for you. When you want to
make an informed decision, see if there are common signs you need a divorce:
1. Lack of love.
No matter how you came to this point, if you don’t:
- Love your spouse
- Feel sexual attraction
- See yourself being together in the future
- Can tolerate your spouse’s habits or actions
- Want to keep this marriage going.
It screams “divorce.” You may be a picture-perfect family to others, have a stable and
trusting relationship, and still feel like it’s not enough. It doesn’t make you greedy,
needy, or inadequate. You may change, and so can your spouse, and as you do, your feelings
There are couples who stay together despite this all just because:
- Children “need” to live in a “full” family. What about having happy parents and an
example of a happy marriage?
- Friends and family will judge the decision to divorce. But they don’t have to live with
your spouse, do they?
- There is no “right” reason to end a marriage. And there shouldn’t be! If you cannot tap
into what’s wrong, it doesn’t mean that everything is fine.
After all, it is your life to live and your decision to make.
When there are a lot of feelings you cannot express or desires that are not being fulfilled,
you might start checking out of the marriage. The same goes for your spouse. Your
communication might be limited to household chores, what’s for dinner, or when an
electrician would come to fix your lights.
There is no excitement anymore, you don’t talk much, and if there is any intimacy, it’s not
passionate. This often happens when people don’t make time for each other, even when it’s
harder to do:
- You have recently had a kid, and childcare is your priority at the moment.
- There are work issues or extra hours one of you needs to put in.
- There were health concerns or family problems that you had to focus on.
And the list goes on. Eventually, you might find yourself being roommates, parents, or
caregivers – anything but spouses. If you’ve reached the point where you don’t see yourself
getting back the spark, or your partner is not willing to make the changes, will your
marriage make it another year or five?
People often think of abuse as one spouse hitting the other, and while it’s true, it’s much
more than that. There are different types of abuse you might suffer from:
- Physical abuse.
When your spouse intentionally harms you or your children, it's physical abuse. It
includes punches, bites, pulling, pushing, rough handling, and non-consensual restraint.
- Psychological or mental abuse.
Boundary crossing, enforced isolation, intimidation, harassment, bullying, and threats
are just the top of the surface when it comes to psychological abuse. It may even be
more subtle, like patronizing or belittling your ideas and accomplishments, which is
sometimes harder to notice.
- Sexual abuse.
If you don’t want to have sex and your spouse does, it doesn’t mean it should happen
just because you’re married. Consent is as crucial in a marriage as it is before it –
there is no “duty.” Any form of touching and forcing you to watch sexual content or
actions is as much sexual abuse as rape, harassment, and assault.
- Financial abuse.
When your spouse is forcing you not to work although you want to or restraining your
financial freedom, it’s a type of financial abuse. It also covers cases where only one
spouse makes money and uses it to manipulate their partner into doing something they
don’t like, denies financial assistance, or prevents their spouse from meeting their
basic needs. It may go the other way with the financial contributor being exploited or
Can you forgive your spouse for cheating? If the answer is no, divorce is your next step.
Cheating comes in a lot of forms, with the most common being having sex with another person.
Other things that are generally regarded as cheating are any forms of intimate contact and
emotional affairs. But it’s not limited to this list.
Infidelity creates a lifetime trust issue:
- Will you be able to rebuild the trust?
- Do you believe there will be no cheating further on?
- Is forgiveness an option in such a case?
Some couples stay together despite the affairs, but it’s up to you to decide whether this is
something your marriage can survive.
It’s common to think that people cheat because they are not satisfied with the sex life they
have with their spouses. This is true in only some of the cases. More common reasons are a
lack of love and attention, communication issues, low self-esteem, and an inability to
commit. So, if you are the one considering or having an affair, it doesn’t necessarily mean
you don’t love your spouse. However, it does mean that there are clear issues in your
A lot of things may become a source of conflict for a married couple. Some reach an
agreement, and others just keep fighting without an end. It is natural when you don't see
eye-to-eye on certain things. However, if your values, views, or desires are fundamentally
different, and communication leaves you both unsatisfied, divorce is often the way out of