Do you suspect your husband is cheating? He probably is! Trust your gut on this one - you are not crazy or paranoid. Our nervous system is equipped with ways to tell us when something is wrong, out of place, or just doesn't feel right.
In today’s society, according to numerous studies, over 20% of married couples will struggle with infidelity, sexual as well as emotional. There are many reasons for cheating, according to relationship guru and marriage therapist Esther Perel, from personal satisfaction to lack of intimacy, depression, and many more. Even husbands who are perfectly happy may cheat for any of those reasons or simply because they can.
So how to find out if your husband is cheating, and are there any signs that you should look for? The answer is yes! Most affairs do not stay a secret and become evident over time. You can expose the affair yourself if you look into the following signs of a cheating husband.
Physical Signs Your Husband Is Cheating
Let’s explore what physical signs of infidelity you might pick up on when you suspect your husband is cheating.
1. Having an Irregular Work Schedule
Have you noticed that all of a sudden, your husband works too much and is turning into a workaholic? He used to come home at 6 pm, and now he is often working late, having more meetings, or working on more projects. These might be the signs he’s cheating at work. Affairs at work are common and happen more often than you think.
- Has he suddenly started to talk a lot about a coworker, partnering up on projects, going to lunch meetings, or having to travel more?
- Has your husband taken a huge interest in a female coworker and overshares details about her and her life?
If you answered yes to any of these, that is a huge red flag. If you see drastic changes with his work schedule or who he is interacting with, he may be cheating with a coworker.
2. New Hobbies
You have known your husband for a while now, and he has probably introduced you to most of his hobbies and activities. Now all of a sudden, your sport or video game-obsessed husband is super interested in gardening or hiking?
New hobbies could mean that your husband is enjoying things that his mistress also enjoys, creating intimacy between the two of them and pushing you away. A clear indicator that a husband is cheating, and a sign there’s another woman, is if you already asked him to partake in any of his new hobbies before, and he has said no to you.
Don’t be fooled when a husband puts his hobby before his wife and comes up with excuses for doing them alone. It’s done only to justify in his mind that there is a void in the marriage and a reason to cheat.
3. Unexplained Expenses
So, you are doing the bills and notice that there are some new expenses, charges, or money withdrawals. You don't remember booking that hotel, or renting that car, or going to that restaurant. Asking what these expenses are only leads to your spouse lying about money, avoiding the question, or saying that he doesn’t know where the charges came from. That is a huge red flag that he is cheating.
When a husband spends too much money on events, places, and expenses that are not benefiting the marriage, he is cheating on you not only physically but also financially. Hiding spending of marital money and lying about it is a sign of financial infidelity and should not be taken lightly.
4. Loss of Sexual Interest
Sexual intimacy is very important in a marriage. It fosters partnership, relieves stress, encourages vulnerability, and strengthens the relationship. Lack of sex in a relationship, without medical reasons, is a red flag! Men on average have a high libido and sex drive, so be on the lookout if, all of a sudden, your husband has no sex drive, as loss of libido in men usually signals either a medical issue or infidelity. If you find yourself initiating, putting on that lingerie, and engaging in foreplay, and he is still not interested, that might be a sign your husband is having an affair.
5. Changed or Added Passwords on his Devices
Electronics have created a world where it is easier than ever to cheat. Married couples should have 100% transparency to foster trust and intimacy. There should be no secrets, no hidden social media accounts, and no unknown passwords on the devices. So, if all of a sudden:
- husband is secretive with his phone
- locks his phone when you enter the room
- gets calls from unknown numbers
- takes his phone to the bathroom
If your husband is always on his phone due to work, he can, for sure, explain it to you. Men that don’t cheat or have anything to hide don’t care if you use their phone, especially if that is something you were both comfortable doing before.
So, a husband that is hiding his passwords from a spouse or changing them all the time may be cheating. If there was nothing for him to hide, then he wouldn’t have to be so protective of his privacy or his devices.
6. Taking Care of the Car Too Much
You are probably asking why taking care of the car too much might be a sign that your husband is cheating. Let us explore.
• Does he all of a sudden have a super clean car when he didn’t care before?
• Is there more mileage on the car than there should be?
• Is the position of his car seat off and not where you would leave it?
These might be cheating husband clues. As long as the way he treats his car is out of the ordinary, and there are no logical explanations or answers from him on the matter, it is natural to get suspicious. He might be covering up cheating in the car or have a desire to impress his mistress.
7. Buying Gifts
Who doesn't love gifts, especially from their spouse? We all love the surprise from our significant other. Gift-giving is even one of the five love languages. So, getting flowers, chocolates, and other wonderful gifts is healthy in a loving marriage. But if the husband is being too nice, is he cheating?
One sign that a man is cheating is receiving presents more often than previously in the relationship or buying a gift for no reason when it was never a thing in your relationship. Gifts and trips that are over the top and extraordinary are even more suspicious. Presents aren't necessarily a sign of his love and devotion. Keep in mind that buying gifts after cheating is a common thing husbands do because of their guilty conscience. He is likely overcompensating to absolve himself of his guilt.
8. Stays Out all Night and Often Unreachable
This one might be an obvious one to some, but not to others. If you find that your very predictable and often reachable husband stays out late without calling, that is a red flag. As is not answering his phone for long periods when you call to check in, or if the new norm is having a spouse who goes out all the time without taking you or telling you where he is going.
Communication and accountability are important factors in a healthy marriage. They foster honesty, intimacy, deeper connection, and trust. If a man stays out all night, isn't reachable, and gets angry or defensive when you address this, this is a sign of infidelity in a husband. A husband that has nothing to hide would not only answer the phone but reassure his wife that all is well, tell her why he is running late and that he is on his way home.
9. Changes in Style and Appearance
New gym membership, new look, new haircut? Wow, of course it is nice to see that your spouse is taking care of himself. But a sudden change in appearance, especially a drastic one, can indicate that he is trying to impress someone.
Obviously, if your husband started working out, he might do it to feel better about himself and get healthier. Also, he might have taken someone's comment about his appearance to heart and decided to make a few changes. It's not uncommon, but he won't have a problem telling you about it if you ask. However, if you see abrupt and drastic changes in style and appearance, be on the lookout, as this could be a sign of infidelity.
10. Hidden Social Media Profiles
Social media is a fun way to stay in touch with people, get information, and share your stories. However, it is also a great way to start or maintain an affair. What starts as a simple “like” or a quick hello on a messenger can turn into a man getting the validation and attention he wants but won't ask his wife for.
Beware and check to see if your partner has secret social media accounts. Online affairs are often perceived as more innocent by spouses, and thus, are easier to engage in. If your husband has a secret Facebook account or a secret Instagram account, it’s not likely that he’s proud of what he does there.
What are some other signs that a husband is cheating online? For one, a husband is always on social media, almost as if he has an addiction. You also notice that your husband looks at other females on Instagram and seems to “like” all their posts, but even more apparent is the husband that likes every post from one particular woman.
5 Subtle Signs You’re Being Cheated On
The physical signs of cheating are easier to recognize as you can usually provide some evidence. Secret messages, charges on credit cards, and so on are easy to see. But there may also be subtle signs he’s cheating. You can even think of them as cheating guilt signs, as the cheater’s guilt causes them to change their behavior. Let’s review the 5 signs your husband is cheating and trying hard to hide it.
11. Doesn’t Want to Spend Time with You
Do you find that every time you ask your husband to watch a movie, go out to dinner, or just to spend time with you, he usually will find a way out of it? All of a sudden, he never has time to spend with you or totally avoids spending time together? That is a subtle sign of cheating, as he is distancing himself from you in order to cover up his incredible guilt. It is even more evident if your husband doesn’t want to do anything with you but is actively spending time with other people.
12. Sudden Changes in Mood and Behavior
So, your happy, go-lucky, and patient husband all of a sudden is short-tempered, easily distracted, depressed, and moody. You, of course, think it is stress, or work, or just married life in general. It is not!
Be aware of sudden changes in the husband’s mood and behavior without explanation. These can indicate that he is frustrated with himself, the situation, and the emotional cheating he is experiencing.
Emotional cheating requires a lot of attention, mental and physical, and can cause a lot of confusion, guilt, and grief for the husband. That may turn into depression, anger, anxiety, and changes in the husband’s behavior. And yes, this could be general depression or stress, but often a sudden personality change in a husband that is not brought on by anything that you can put your finger on can indicate that your man is cheating.
13. Lack of Eye Contact
Eye contact is one of the most intimate ways to express love. A cheating husband avoids eye contact as he cannot bring himself to look at you while at the same time knowing that he is hurting you. It is one of the identifying traits of someone that is cheating, according to sex therapist Dr. Nelson.
A cheating husband can’t make eye contact during conversation as they are constantly lying, making up stories, and reminded that they are having an affair that can cause you enormous pain. It is easier to look away than be faced with their reality. Thus, be wary of a husband if he can’t look you in the eye anymore.
14. He’s Becoming More Unreliable
He was your everything, someone you could confide in, someone who would support you when you needed it most. Then it all stopped. Your once reliable spouse is now an unreliable partner and also an unsupportive husband who can’t keep his word.
No emotional support from your husband is an indication that he is directing his efforts elsewhere and is spread thin. He most likely does not have the wherewithal to support you and his mistress at the same time.
15. He Deflects Questions and Projects his Problems onto You
You may ask yourself, is my husband cheating when he is projecting negativity and deflecting your questions? Yes, these may be signs he is cheating.
Psychological projection in relationships is the act of one partner projecting their negative and unwanted feelings onto the other partner. A husband that puts you down, calls you names, or tells you that you are overreacting, is projecting because he is upset with himself, disgusted about what he is doing, and carrying an incredible amount of guilt.
What about if your partner gets angry when you ask questions? A husband that doesn’t answer questions at all, telling you “It’s none of your business” or “I don’t have to tell you where I was” is deflecting and avoiding telling you the truth. . All these behaviors may be signs that he is having an affair.
What to Do if Your Husband is Cheating?
So, what should you do when your husband is cheating on you? You may want to start with gathering information and then confronting him. Then the hard part starts. If your husband wants you to even consider staying, there will have to be full honesty, transparency, extreme remorse on his part, and the affair has to end.
Don't make rash decisions, and take the time to see what you want to do. Do you want to stay, or do you want a divorce? It is ok to take some time to think this through as you will have a broad spectrum of feelings and emotions at this time. Keep trusting in yourself. Your gut helped you feel something was off, and your gut will also let you know what to do.
In this stage, you may find that you are not attracted to your husband after he cheated or wondering if your husband cheats will he do it again, and that is totally normal. If you decide to stay, this is where a trained professional comes in. You both will need to attend individual as well as couples therapy to get over the betrayal, lies, and emotional abuse, as well as to get to the bottom of what caused your husband to stray.
Remember – this is not your fault, and you did not “cause” the affair. When you find out that your husband cheated on you, it is one of the most devastating events you could ever imagine. Take time to take care of yourself, make sure to eat well, rest sufficiently, and do something that you enjoy. This will help you make the best decision about your marriage.